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Taking Full Responsibility PDF Print E-mail
Written by Allen Lawrence, M.D.   
Sunday, 20 May 2012 21:23
I had an interesting patient today. A young woman who actually listed that she had 27 different health problems including stress, depression, bi-polar, insomnia, blow back and neck pain and this only mentions just a few of her many problems. This is a young woman only 26 years old. As we talked she ultimately blamed her mother for all of her problems. As it turns out, according to my new patients, they must all be genetic as her mother has each and every one of these problem, therefore she believed that she must have gotten all of these problem from her mother, passed to her in her mother’s genetics.

She came in with her husband who sat blandly by listening to his wife chatter nonstop about how miserable her life was on a daily basis because of all of the problems she had inherited from her mother. The question I had in listening to her was, “when does she take even the slightest bit of responsibility for her own problems.” It seemed to me that she clearly has decided that her problems and medical conditions are none of her own fault and therefore what could she possibly do about them?
When we as individuals blame others, whether rightly or wrongly, what we do is immediately give up our ability to take any responsible for them, hence how can we make any changes or think differently or solve them. In this cased we automatically become stuck with these problem whether we want them or not.

This is not at all an uncommon situation. I hear it a lot. “It is my father’s fault,” “my husband’s fault,” “the school’s fault,” “my boss’s fault,” which all mean to me, it was not their fault... they truly believe that have done nothing to bring these problems on. Because of this they have no power over their problems. They have no way of changing them or dealing with them. When we think like this we leave ourselves with unresolvable problems, with conflicts that can never be resolved, never fixed , never undone, hence we are stuck with them having to live in an unhealable situation. Simply if you believe this way you will become stuck with what ever problems or illnesses you are experiencing or dealing with.

While I really wanted to tell her that it was all her fault, she either created or allowed these faulty belief systems and in doing so, she ultimately brought these problems to herself. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t tell her what I believed. Why? Because she would never accept this reality. I knew this almost immediately by the way she posed all of her information, she does not want to heal, she wants to maintain her anger and rage against her mother. In doing so, she does not want to solve her unresolved conflicts. She is content living in her lies as she somewhere deep inside believes not only that they are true, but that this is the way it has to be.

If you one day hear yourself telling yourself or others that some problem or problems you have are some one else’s fault, then listen carefully for you have just handed them unlimited power over you and over your life. You have just given away the farm and once given away you no longer have the power or the ability to control how it effects you. In doing so you give away your power to undo your unresolved conflicts and therefore ultimately your ability to heal yourself.
Last Updated on Sunday, 19 August 2012 15:35